The Pete Tong Incident
12th May 2006
Ok, it's not often I get a celeb in the car but I did today, Radio 1's Pete Tong was going to a gig in the 'London Nightclub' in Dundee, for some bizzare reason he flew into Aberdeen under the misinformation that you can drive to Dundee from Aberdeen in 30 mins. This is far from the case, especially at 4:30 on a friday afternoon. I told him an hour or so and it ended up being closer to two hrs. He spent a good part of the journey tweaking mixes on his laptop. Neither of us had directions to the club once we reached Dundee, my office was no help, as usual, and his people werent much better, efforts to guide us in by phone were farcical, Tongs phone ran out of battery and we ended up using mine while a sucession of various muppets tried to give us directions whilst having no idea where we were, culminating in us following a speeding Range Rover through the center of Dundee. The Tong was fuming, I could tell. His show had been live on national radio for ten minutes and he was still in a fucking car with Chris Moyles covering for him. As he told me, he has never missed a show in 15 yrs, until now..Well, I blame my office and his, for not providing directions in advance, and whichever idiot told him Dundee from Aberdeen Airport is a 30 min drive. I would definitely file this one under 'severe fuckery' but who does he throw blame at when he gets on air?? albeit in a jokey way, yes readers, yours truly, The Wheelsman no less. Easy fucking target.

Well, Mr Tong, let me tell you, I wasnt late. Either YOUR office or mine booked it late. and as for me not knowing where Dundee is, you can take that wee quip and stuff it up your overpaid english arse. ye bas. The gimp that told you it was a 30 min drive is the one who doesent know where bloody Dundee is. Anyway, I did my best, I broke warp 9 most of the way and you'd have been there on time if we hadnt had to drive around Dundee lost for over 10 mins. Oh, and just because your people and yourself expected a vehicle with the capabilities of a fucking jump-jet, doesent mean you should leave the back seat looking like an easyjet cleaners nightmare. Crisp bags, snotty hankies, water bottles.. 

Seriouslly though, I kind of felt like I pushed the envelope for this guy and got basically no thanks for it. I wanted to like him, but he struck me as a wee bit arrogant, hardly spoke to me unless he had to. and he wonders why I made him travel in the trunk of the car?? I figured he'd be more at home mixing in the dark. I was only trying to help!       
Hear The Tongs arrival as it happened live WAV recordings
12th May 2006
Clip 1, PT's perspirational Arrival,
Clip 2, The apology/excuse
Clip 3, The Slanderous excuse
All clips illegally lifted from the BBC.    Pete's Idea.
Radio 1